Mine Again
by zajaacLulu
Summary: AU. Mark has been out of Addison's life for a long time. But everything changes when she has a phone call one day, finding out he was in a plane crash. And once again they both learn it's never really over until it is.
1. There's a place I used to go

**_Disclaimer: I do not dare thinking I__'m even close to being as good a storyteller as any writer of Grey__'s Anatomy is, but believe me, ______if I owned it______, some particular things would be handled a LOT better! Nor do_****_____ I _****_____own the characters, lyrics to the song Mine Again or any of the dialogues previously featured on Private Practice, _****______****_____which I _****______****_____used in this chapter._**

_A/N: Hey, so...here it is. My love for Maddison hasn't faded a bit :( (and it's not like I really tried to get rid of it) and since I realized I was really getting out of fics I could find about these two, I decided to write one myself again, to get my poor Maddison heart fixed._  
_Mark survives the days in the woods, but that doesn't mean anything. What happens when Addison has a phone call that he is actually on life support?_  
_This is the way I believe it should have gone. It won't be too nice or fluffy and I think it may even be kinda cruel at first, though certainly not as cruel as killing Mark off, having Sofia lose her father etc._  
_I don't believe you really remember, but chapters of my other fic Feel Again (title of the song by OneRepublic) were also named by various songs. The title of this whole fic is very similar, Mine Again, because well...I got an idea for it while listening to Mine Again by Black Lab, I just couldn't get over the Maddison association with it, which appeared, and suddenly I had an idea of what I wanted to write. I'm gonna use various lyrics from this song (yeah, it's really beautiful ;)) for titles of the chapters or if I can't choose a fitting enough lyric from this particular song in some cases, I may also use some from other songs later...ok, enough talking, here you are:_

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**There's a place I used to go**

Your life isn't perfect. But one day you realize it's as good as it gets. You have virtually everything you always wanted. Your amazing boyfriend and even more amazing son make you believe you can overcome everything. Every drama with the people around you, every tragedy in the family, everything. And it's not like you have any other choice. Because life has a sick hobby of throwing struggles and disasters in your way. And it isn't any different when you have a phone call one day.  
"Addison?" you haven't heard that voice for more than a year. It's strangely weak, but after all that time you would recognize it anywhere. You've been married to its owner for 11 years. And it sounds too vulnerable not to scare you.  
"Derek?"  
"I hate to call you within these circumstances," yeah, it's there. Something horrible happened. To your ex-husband or one of your former collegues. One of your friends. Hell – and that thought may be the most frightening – perhaps to Richard, the greatest mentor you've ever had, "There was...there was a plane crash. We were... well, some of us...we were flying to Boise to perform a surgery and the plane crashed."  
Something in you screams in horror. Seriously?! What kind of curse is lying on that hospital that its doctors can never get a little peace? Will they ever find some sort of normalcy? Your voice is shaking when you ask:  
"Who was on the plane?"  
"Well, me, Meredith, Cristina, Callie's wife Arizona, Mark...and there was...Lexie died."  
"Lexie...wait, Lexie Grey? She's dead? Oh, God.  
"And Mark...," his voice sounds like he's about to cry, "Addie, you may want to sit down."  
You feel like he stabbed you in the chest with those words. But moments later you are glad he told you to sit down, because your head is spinning too much when you hear that fateful sentence: "He's on life support."

You don't really register a thing of what's he saying after. It's something about cardiac tamponade and four days in the woods. You only know you're crying for two days after the phone call and your amazing boyfriend is taking care of Henry the whole time and in the meantime he mentions that when you feel like talking, he's there. You think he might be a saint. Well, there's no other possibility with him being so understanding. And you get that he deserves to know. And there is also one other thing you want to do. That's why you dry your tears after those two days and tell Jake you'd like to talk to him. Jake nods and listens to you patiently.  
"I loved Mark Sloan. And it happened when I was still married to Derek...his best friend. I cheated on my husband with Mark. He got me pregnant. The one time I ever was...or ever will be pregnant. But I didn't...I couldn't keep it, I just...at the time with him being the father I just...couldn't. It's just karma for this awful thing I did to my husband, who...trusted me. But it is...Mark could die. And I can't imagine that, I don't wanna imagine that. We...we haven't spoken in months, but there was a time when he was my best friend. He was always there for me...and I...I wanna be there for him. I need to go to Seattle, I need to see him. I wanna be a good friend," you tell Jake and maybe it is more about convincing yourself that what you just told him is completely true. In those exact words. You can't really pinpoint all the things you're feeling. You just know one thing. You tried to suppress the thought, because it's horrible and terryfying, but it's constantly on your mind since Derek called. Mark could die, hell, it's more than possible, and you can't even properly remember the last time you were talking to him. And it makes you feel horrible. Along with thousands of other things and with tears in your eyes again, you finish your speech:  
"So if you don't think you can trust me anymore or you think I'm a horrible person, because I'm a cheater...if you wanna go, you should...go."  
"I'm...I'm processing, so just give me a minute here...," and you can't believe what he says next: "Thank you for telling me the truth. I know that was hard. Then...you're not a cheater, you're a person, who once cheated...and...there's a difference. And...I wanna be there for you too. Let's go to Seattle," and that's how you find yourself with Henry on your hip and Jake holding your hand, standing in front of Mark's hospital room.

You know it's impossible to really prepare yourself for what you'll be faced with, but what you see when you actually come inside beats all the worst nightmares. Mark is lying in the bed motionless, with his eyes closed. He looks anything but peaceful. There's a tube down his throat, wires everywhere and he's hooked to a thousand machines. Every attempt to keep your composture goes to waste and you sit next to him sobbing uncontrollably. He looks like he aged overnight. Yeah, if you were able to think rationally right now, you'd know you can't really say, because you haven't seen him for more than a year, but it feels that way. You can see the pain written all over his features and you feel like clutching his hand so hard that you'd be afraid his blood stopped circulating. But you clutch Jake's hand instead, lean into his chest still looking at Mark's motionless figure and at first you don't notice Callie has just come into the room.  
"Addie, hello! I saw your son at daycare. Henry, right? Gosh, I hope to get to know him a little better," she is smiling, but her voice is sad. You tear your gaze from motionless Mark, really one of the saddest thing you've ever seen and you stand up to hug your friend in greeting.  
"Oh, this is Jake, my boyfriend. And well, Jake, I told you about Callie," you introduce them and Jake smiles at your friend.  
"Nice to meet you."  
Callie smiles, but then she says: "I wish I could say the same thing, but..." you can't imagine worse circumstances for their meeting either. She talks some more and when she utters the words:  
"He wishes to be unplugged after fifty days," you feel something died inside you. Sobbing once again you try to tell yourself that it's only day five and everything can still change. You're just not sure you believe it.

You later sit side by side with Callie, you supportively clutch each other's hands, your head is placed on her shoulder and hers is on top of yours. There are times when you're both silent, left with your own thoughts and there are times when you somehow try to catch up on each other's lives. You mostly talk about Henry and Sofia and it makes you both feel a little better. It isn't till many hours later when you realize it's gotten dark and you should go. Henry and Jake went to the hotel you booked before and you can't imagine how this will continue or how long you will stay in Seattle, you just don't believe you'll be able to leave till you know Mark's gonna be ok...or well – and that brings more tears to your eyes – till you know what's gonna happen to him, at least. Your incredible boyfriend somehow understands that. And when you're leaving the room, it's the first time you really touch Mark's sleeping figure. Sleeping – yeah, that's the least painful expression you can think of. Hell, you can even bear with the word comatose. But somewhere deep down you feel that he's actually in vegetative state and that's just too much. You brush his cheek and whisper:  
"Don't you dare give up on us, Mark. Don't you dare."

When you come to the hotel room later that evening (you don't cry anymore because you've gotten numb...or maybe you don't have any more tears left), Jake pulls you into his warm embrance, whispers soothing words about not losing hope and it makes you think that there's no doubt he's actually a saint. And that's how it goes everyday after that. You don't think about your work or life in LA at all. You go to the hospital in the morning, you sit by Mark's side, you also go to see Derek and you feel sorry for him because of his hand. But you assure him everything's gonna be alright, though you make yourself sick by saying that, cos it feels like such empty words. It's your third day in Seattle when Derek brings up the topic you knew was unavoidable and you knew you would have to talk about it sooner or later. Lexie. He talks about a resident with incredible talent for neuro, about Meredith's great younger sister and amazing aunt for Zola, about such a young and promising life that has been taken away under the plane wing. And you have no idea, how to react, but despite everything Lexie Grey symbolizes to you, you think it's truly horrible and you even shed a few tears. And then one thought crosses your mind and it makes you feel even more horrible – even if Mark wakes up, he wouldn't want to live. Not now, not without Lexie.

And that's how life comes up with its irony once again, cos around day fifteen of Mark being on life support, the records of his vitals start looking better. On day eighteen Richard extubates him and he's breathing on his own. And on day twenty six he starts looking like he's slowly gaining consciousness. His eyelids flutter, he starts whimpering and muttering something and when someone comes to his bedside and grasps his hand, he weekly grasps it back. He even opens his eyes – even though what you see in them is mostly just blank stare and he rarely fixes his gaze at the person who's talking to him. On day forty he starts looking like he understands what people around him are saying and he starts moving his head as in 'yes' or 'no'. Nourishment is coming to him via tube in his nose and fluids via IVs, but on day forty eight he licks an icechip for the first time and he starts pronouncing a few words. They aren't very understandable, but one evening he points at Callie and utters:  
"...ooofffia."  
She quickly goes to get their daughter from the daycare and when she comes back, a part of the bed under Mark's back is moved up, so he's in the sitting position. He is smiling when he sees his daughter, you're standing in the hallway watching the scene through the glass wall of his room and you're also smiling happily.

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_A/N: Yeah, this was "just" a setting, but I feel it was really needed! I hope you feel this story is worth continuing with and I'd love to hear your opinions, some suggestions or whatever you want to say! I'm not a proffesional writer, nor I'm a doctor, so maybe you feel something in this story is (or eventually will be) out of place, but will try to be at least as medically accurate as I can. For example, in this chapter you can see Mark waking up and maybe there are some things interpreted wrongly, but believe me, I know from a personal experience that waking up from coma really doesn't look like it does in cheesy movies, where character opens their eyes and suddenly they know and they are able to do everything like before. And this fact certainly applies to vegetative state too._  
_Btw, I really recommend listening to Mine Again by Black Lab, and please review!_


	2. There's a world I used to know

_A/N: Here you go. Well, I can't say you really encouraged me into writing this story (reviews, anyone?), but a few people started following it and since I love Maddison and I had some ideas for how this story could go, I decided to write the second chapter. I'm sorry that it__'s short, really, these first chapters are mostly for filling the gaps or creating the atmosphere, they will definitely become longer soon. Well, if you are even interested in reading this fic, cos I__'m not so sure about that. But I couldn__'t get the idea out of my head, because...MADDISON! ...And that__'s about it, the reason enough. You can see _I uploaded the cover picture, hope you like it ;)).  
Though, like I said, this chapter is mainly for filling the gaps and you can see an important moment between Mark and Callie there. I'm switching to Mark's POV in this chapter. The title is again derived from the lyrics of Mine Again by Black Lab.

* * *

**There's a world I used to know**

The only thing that makes you feel better these days is your daughter. You crave those moments when Callie brings Sofia to your room and it's always the highlight of your day. Actually, it's the only thing in your life that still makes sense. Your consciousness or mental capacity or whatever has gotten better during the recent days, but it actually makes you feel a whole lot worse. Because that means there are coherent thoughts on your mind and coherent thoughts mean thinking about Lexie. 24/7. Except for the time when your daughter comes, puts her arms around your neck, giggles playfully and goes on and on about nice nannies in daycare, her friends, Zola, the great toy they played with the other day and other things from a perfect life of a perfect child like her. Because yes, your daughter is utterly perfect and when you see her you sometimes actually think about getting better, so you can play with her, go outside with her, push her on a swing and so on. Other than that you don't believe there is a point in getting better. You don't want to and it's not like you really think about it. It's just the way it is set in stone. The way it is _meant to be_. Of course, there are also other people visiting you, you even vaguely recall seeing Addison, but none of that matters. Not with the image of happily ever after with Lexie, that is just too heartbreaking. Not with the thoughts of what your life was supposed to be like and not with your heart aching all the time – both metaphorically and actually.

Then Addison comes once again, and even though you can't think of a real reason for her presence being unpleasant, it just feels like it. She doesn't really know, how to speak to you, but she tries. You try too. Hell, you can't remember the details (and it really isn't important), but you even tried to speak with her light-heartily. Make a joke about sick guy getting all the attention or whatever, but it didn't come out funny at all. And there is also the other thing. You see that man, Jake, who looks like her boyfriend, and it's not like you care much, but when you see her with that cute little boy...when you see Henry, you can't help thinking:  
_He could have been yours._  
And then there are once again thoughts about the life you want, but you would never get. Thoughts about having the family with Lexie, the _love of your life._

In the meantime, they persuade you into undergoing physical therapy. It is supposed to help you walk again or something. Not with much success or effort on your side. You also have these problems with your heart, for which you got annoyingly large pile of brand new meds. You're actually told that the problems will pass later – maybe not completely, but with such a serious condition like cardiac tamponade it's still good. Or you heard a doctor refer to it like that. You don't use that expression anymore, cos nothing in this world could ever be_ good_ again.  
At first, they tried to verticalize you. Callie managed to get you out of bed and you've gotten this metal walker thing to help you start walking again. You don't really feel like trying though and with every attempt your head is spinning and you can't really keep a good balance. In physical therapy department there's this doctor telling you all the time just to try harder, because your CT scan doesn't show a serious damage to the kinetic centre of your brain that would medically cause problems with walking. One day they only give you one crutch and you're supposed to walk down the hallway leaning on it. For whatever reason Callie comes to support you or something, you're not sure, because you don't feel it's helping you at all. Seeing a few other doctors peeking from patient's rooms, just to see how pathetic thing this is, doesn't help you either. And you couldn't have expected to do good right away, but when you fall down, it becomes too much.  
"Oh Mark, you didn't hurt yourself, did you? Come on, I'll help you get up. It's okay."  
"How is this okay?!"  
"Mark..."  
"No, really! What's the point? What's the point in trying to live this life without her?! I'm being a burden for you and for everybody when I could've died with _love of my life_! I'm sure I just...cheated destiny...umm, no, it's actually the other way around! Destiny played an awful trick on me. You would all be just fine without me!" you shout.  
Anyway, what the hell does Callie think? Images of your friends come to your mind, cos nothing's more true than the statement that they would all be just fine without you. Derek with Meredith and Zola, Callie with Arizona and Sofia, hell even Addison with that guy and the little boy.  
But Callie isn't someone who lets you throw crap at her just like that.  
"Oh gosh, Mark, are you really that selfish?! Not everything is about you! Did I even mention that Arizona lost a leg?! And no matter how hard you try to fuck up, I certainly won't let you give up on Sofia, because she mustn't _damn it_ lose her dad! Just like I mustn't lose my best friend!"

* * *

_A/N: You told him, girl! Yeah, I love Callie's personality, how she can tell whoever off, especially Mark, and how damn right she is. Anyway, I'm sorry about the shortness and lack of moments between Mark and Addison, but this felt like the right place for cutting it. First hints of real Maddison are coming up in the next chapter...well, maybe, depends on how you unterstand the term 'hints of real Maddison'. It will be kinda dark and twisty, as Meredith would say, and you can be sure it's gonna take a lot more time to get all the matters between these two resolved, I really don't want it to feel forced or rushed. Still, I hope you're in for this and please tell me your opinions!_


	3. No words to explain

_A/N: As always so far, title is from the lyrics of Mine Again by Black Lab ;). Mark's POV (Well, Mark is the "you") in this chapter again._

* * *

**N****o words to explain**

You were really an ass. And she gave you a lesson that's been difficult or you to proceed, but she couldn't be angry at you for long, and you are really grateful for her presence. You are so grateful to have a best friend like Callie. She is your stable visitor these days, more often than not she comes to keep you company and she always somehow manages to lighten up your mood a bit. Today isn't any different, though while you were talking, you came across the topic of your current heart condition. But you only shrugged and smiled bitterly, what else could you do? All those doctor's orders and pills and everything start to annoy you a bit, but though you know it won't be easy, you are keeping it together. Even if the problems ended up being permanent, you wouldn't consider it the worst thing in the world. The worst thing is actually Lexie's death. And with that you're once again reminded that nothing in the world really matters anymore, but that's only till Callie mentions Derek. Among the cases she's treating. And you realize that he might never get his hand...hand of neuro-surgical god Derek Shepherd M.D...back. And while lamenting for your own suffering, you start feeling sorry for Derek too. And for Arizona, because what happened to her is even more horrible. But when it is about your _brother,_ it just strikes you more. However, you believe in the magic of Callie's work, because she fights for her patients, you don't think you've ever seen her give up on anyone. She and Derek have that in common. And Derek deserves to continue doing the job he loves and he's so great at.

And then you realize you miss your brother in a way and you ask Callie:  
"Cal, do you I think I can, you know...visit Derek? Or...," you become painfully aware of your current inability to really go anywhere, "I mean...can he visit me? Or something?"  
"Huh, you wanna see Derek? I could ask Meredith about that, I'm sure we can figure out a way." And that's what she does.

At lunchtime she catches Meredith in cafeteria and asks:  
"Hey Meredith...how is Derek today?"  
"Okay, why? ...Haven't you done rounds on him this morning?"  
"Yep, I did. I just...you know, when I talked to Mark today, he looked like he might want some...so called, normal socialization. You know Mark, all the people are visiting and feeling sorry for him, because he's the guy with sick heart and...and that certainly doesn't give him delight. He'd like to meet Derek, I believe he needs his best friend... Would Derek feel up to it?"  
"Of course, but...huh, Callie, I... I don't think it would be the most positive experience for Derek..." she shrugs, sighing a little.  
"I know," Callie nods like she understands, „He's all grieving and miserable, but...he lost...," and with that Callie trails off, because she realizes that Lexie was in fact Meredith's sister. And really, when she looks into the other woman's eyes, she can see upcoming tears.  
"Meredith, I'm so sorry. And Mark...yeah, he's...like that, but...he needs this. Derek will be ok."  
Meredith blinks her tears away and says:  
"I mean...yeah. But they're both still patients. I can ask Owen to let them meet, I'm sure he will be ok with one visiting the other in his room, he just won't let them randomly walk around."  
This time Callie shrugs, her voice a little sad:  
"You know, it will take some time till Mark's able to _randomly walk around_."  
"Yeah," Meredith sighs.

But she convinces Owen to let you two meet, so Derek comes to your room in the evening (actually, Meredith wheels him in in a wheelchair, because of hospital policy). The first thing you notice is that most of his arm is covered in bandage and he notices that you're still pale, there's an EKG machine on the side of your bed, used for checking your heart activity every now and then and of course the walker in the corner of your room.  
"Huh, that's really a meeting of two belters, isn't it?"  
You just roll your eyes: "Tell me about it."  
And then you two talk, which really makes you feel better. You don't talk about what happened – the reason you're both in the hospital now, but other than that you speak of everything and nothing, Callie, Meredith, Sofia, Zola, baseball and all that and you're both in slightly better mood afterwards, which surprises most of your coworkers.

A day later you're having physical therapy appointment once again. You've really been hating that thing. So when Addison comes over (to _support_ you or whatever), it's anything but pleasant. Jake and Henry went somewhere out and Addison herself probably has nothing to do, that's why she came to enjoy a little theatre of a desperate man. There's no other way for you to explain that. And then there comes a moment within one exercise, when you lose your balance and fall down to the ground once again. Before you can react in any way to what has just happened, Addison rushes to your side.  
"Oh, Mark! Haven't you hurt yourself? ...It's... it's ok, come on, get up."  
She holds out her hand to help you stand up.  
And that's when you've had enough.  
"Addison, go away, ok?! Do you enjoy seeing me like this?!" in your mind you know exactly what adjective you would use to describe that state. _Vulnerable_ and all that... But you wouldn't be caught dead actually saying that, "Is it some sort of sick pleasure for you?!"  
She's speechless.  
"Why are you still even here?! You see I _unfortunately_ won't die and what more would you want to know?!"

And with that you really crossed the line. For one brief moment you think she's gonna shout all sorts of curses at you, but she's so shocked and angry she can't think of any. There are also tears pressing their way into her eyes, but she can't let the emotions take over her. And the only think she does is send you a look full of contempt and shortly say:  
"You can be sure I don't enjoy it at all."  
And then she turns on her heel and leaves the room.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah...Mark and Addison interaction, finally. It probably wasn't what you hoped for, but...well, what would you expect? You see, Mark is a broken man and this wasn't even that bad yet :/. But __I said it's never really over with these two, so w__hat is it gonna turn into? Wanna find out? Please review, because I seriously feel nobody's reading this fic and i that case it would be easier just to stop writing it. I would hate to do so, but there's no point in continuing when nobody's interested.  
But if someone is and you encourage me to keep writing, next chapters will definitely be longer, the first ones deal mainly with being conscious of what had happened, they set up some things I want to deal with later on, fill the gaps and so...  
Yeah, and I realized ithis fic was first published on April Fools Day, but I didn't mean it to be a joke :D_


	4. There was a light and it was you

_A/N: Can I just say I'm loving the __second person-__narration? I feel it's just exactly what I need for storytelling in this fic O:). Well, and I'm starting to switch between Mark's and Addison's POV also within one chapter, I hope it won't be confusing and difficult to follow, but I believe it's important to see both of their views on various situations. This chapter starts with "you" being Mark, then when you see this symbol (###), it is switching to Addison...then back, and so. Here is the fourth chapter, enjoy:_

* * *

**There was a light and it was you**

Oh Lexie, why did you have to leave me alone in this world? It's impossible to live without you among the crowd of people of whom nobody is able to really understand. Why did you do it?! I would get so angry with you right now, if I didn't...well, if I didn't miss you and regret your death so much. So much that the only thing I can actually do is hurt everyone around with my comments.

And you don't actually utter that, but your thoughts are full of these words. Callie is used to all your crap, but you start to realize to have to stop pulling it at her. And then there's Addison. Addison, who's remaining presence in the hospital you really don't get, but that doesn't mean you intended to say such hurtful words to her. You honestly only feel better with Sofia around. And maybe...well yeah, you felt better when Derek visited you the other day. And you can't imagine how much longer you're gonna have to stay in the hospital, but you know you need something to cheer you up. So when the new head of cardio, Dr. Russel, comes to check on you, you ask him whether he thinks it'll be possible to make a deal with chief Hunt about you and Derek being moved to the same room. And since all people in the surgical department know you and Derek, the deal is made and by evening you're moved into the same room.

"Pathetic," Derek chuckles, putting down his bag and jumping onto bed, but you know he's just as delighted as you are that neither needs to spend any more time in annoyingly quiet separate rooms with occasional visits from your friends being the only distraction. Well, it's not like Derek has to spend much more time in the hospital. It's been two days since his second surgery. And about you, you just don't know. You've gotten less numb about your health condition in the light of your current outbursts to both Callie and Addison – or well, to others it appears like you did, you can't really say, because thoughts are kinda clouded in your head.

At lunchtime there's a pleasant visit for both of you, because Callie and Meredith come, of course with Sofia and Zola. You let your daughter tell you all about her day in daycare, you tickle her and play with her and when Callie's watching this scene, she smiles in delight and for the first time since the crash she thinks that it may all just be okay later.

"Callie?" you suddenly feel like bringing it up, because you need to make one more thing okay.

"Yes, what?"

"Is...you know, is Addison still here?"

She makes a small smile and she says: "Yes, I think she is."

"Well, then...can you get her to come here? I feel I need to apologize to her."

###

When Callie comes and tries to convice you to go talk with Mark, you're not too fond of the idea. But at the same time you hate the thought of going back to LA without talking to him first, and you realize that for some reason you don't like the idea of leaving. Thankfully Jake was there supporting you. You went to the park with Henry together, Jake held your hand and bought you icecream, you sat down and cuddled on a bench and he tried to reassure you with the words about Mark not meaning to be rude. That he still has a long journey ahead, before he really copes with what has happened to him. And that he surely hates when other people see his weaknesses, just like any other man. Seriously, your boyfriend can't be any more awesome...his concern when you came to him slightly shaken up after Mark's performance, his words, him taking care of Henry, his understanding. His ability to always make you feel better. And maybe that's how you gather the strenght to go back to Mark's room with Callie.

The wall of the room is transparent and when you're about to go in, you see a beautiful scene unfold in front of your eyes. Mark with Sofia sitting on his lap, his fingers running through her thick black hair and on the other bed Derek snuggling with Zola, talking with Meredith and smiling from ear to ear. Yeah, when you see two happy dads, both of whom happened to be your lovers once and how they now both have babies with other women, you feel something like bitter happiness for them. You draw a breath and enter the room in Callie's tow. She comes to Mark and takes Sofia from his arms. You don't see it, but she also winks at her best friend. Then she speaks:

"Okay, we will give you space."

Meredith mutters: „Yeah," and Derek just nods and gets up from his bed. They all go outside also with Zola and Sofia and when the door clicks behind them, Mark speaks:

"Addie, I'm sorry."

Mark calling you Addie is more than strange for you, considering the circumstances. But at the same time, it's strangely comforting.

"It's ok."

"No, it's not. I shouldn't have...you know."

###

You can't properly form what you want to say...huh, maybe you don't really know what you want to say.

"Anyway, I'm sorry."

She just smiles and puts her hand on your bed thinking about taking your hand for a second, but she dismisses the idea as quickly as it came.

"How are you, by the way? I saw...you have a son?" you don't feel like uttering the next words that come to your head: _How come I don't know anything about that?_

"Yes, my Henry," you don't remember the previous time you saw her with such a loving smile on her face, „He's five months old...well, he's adopted and..." _with him my life finally makes sense._

"Where is he now?"

"Jake is taking care of him..."

You don't really know how to respond to that: „So, this Jake guy...he is your..."

"Boyfriend," she confirms.

_I still can't believe you've found somebody new_

_But I wish you the best_

_I guess_

_(J. Legend – Everybody Knows)_

"He looks like a good guy," you know she feels strange with you saying that, you feel strange when you utter that yourself, but whatever. It's not like it matters. For you nothing really matters anymore, honestly. But Addison deserves to be happy. You sit up and smile:

"Ok, I've been a jerk...as usual, but it was good seeing you again, you know."

###

And he kinda hopes he will get to see you more often, because for a long time you've been coming to Seattle only like once a year, really.

And with him saying that you feel it's really time to go back to LA. You did what you came here for, you've been here a lot longer than you though you would, it wasn't too pleasant, but the final outcome is...okay after all. Now you can go back to LA and you're even looking forward to that a bit. You lean down to the man you've been through so much with and you kiss him on the cheek saying:

"Goodbye, Mark."

And he responds with: "See you soon...Red,"which somehow brings delighted smile to your face. And then you turn around and leave.

* * *

_A/N: I know it wasn't much, but it is a start...they definitely WILL see each other soon! Some guesses or suggestions about that? Also, be those amazing feedback providing readers and please, tell me your opinion on this fic. ;)  
Oh, and I just realized...well, I kinda recall realizing it before and planning to explain that, but then I completely forgot...Julia Canner...you know, the girl Mark was dating. I didn__'t feel like mentioning her in this fic, plus she was last seen in 9x02 before Mark fell into a coma, so before Addison came to Seattle. And she really wasn__'t all that significant character, but...you realize she was a redhead, right? People, I tell you, THAT isn__'t coincidence!_


	5. No beginning and no end

_A/N: This chapter starts with Mark's POV (Mark being the "you") and with this (###) symbol it's always switching between him and Addison... you can see how they are both doing in their separate lives these days...I believe it's the important fill-in, but it definitely screams for an interaction between them ;). I promise some in the next chapter, but still, enjoy the hints in this one and...props to those who catch the Taylor Swift reference :D._

* * *

**No beginning and no end**

You're physically really getting better these days and with Derek the remaining time in the hospital had even been _fun. _But he was discharged almost a week ago anyway and today comes the moment when you're finally leaving the hospital. But you would lie if you said you're happy about it. You imagine Callie pushing you in a wheelchair (you're not strong enough to walk whole way home on your own feet just yet) and that is unbearable, cos it always makes you think about how you should be the one who's pushing Sofia's stroller. No, your life really isn't miserable enough, you just have to be dependant on other's care. You angrily throw your T-shirt to the bag, which makes the intern who's helping you pack – Edwards is her name probably – wince a little. You also shoot slightly pained look at the stack of meds on the table. You're gonna have to take them all at least for some time. Because your heart is crap and the fact, that you and your fellow doctors didn't have access to real treatment for a few days after the crash, didn't make it any better. You frown, shrug, then throw meds to the bag and zip it.

Teddy Altman took the job offer in this army-doctors-something-organization, so the cardio wing has a new attending. Doctor Russel is an afro-american man, who honestly smiles all the time, which is really annoying. So when he comes and hands you the discharge papers, you sign them as quickly as possible and hope he will go away quickly. And only now you realize that the most unbearable thought is the one of being alone in your apartment without Lexie. The other thing that occurs to you is that you have to visit Lexie's grave. That idea is just terrible. But it also makes you think there's nothing you need to do more. So when Callie comes to give you the lift home, you quickly start:

"Hey, Callie. Yeah, it's all packed. You know, I just realized...can you show me where Lexie is...," you can't bring yourself to saying the word _buried_, "...I need to see her," there are tears in your eyes.

Callie frowns.

"Well, Meredith and Derek are going there tomorrow. You can go with them," she sighs, then takes your bag and turns to walk out of the room.

...

You come back home from the graveyard in seemingly worse mood. At least Meredith was sympathetic and she didn't make you go in the wheelchair, because you really don't believe you could take it. No, she mercifully had her arm linked with yours instead of Derek's the whole time and supported your unsteady figure while walking. But what is worse, your head is now filled with images of Lexie along with the images of cold grey gravestone and it all makes you think about that moment when she drew her last breath under the plane wing. You can't even cry anymore. But also, though you didn't expect it and certainly don't fully acknowledge it now, seeing Lexie's grave is the first step towards the closure for you. Towards believing that there still might be a happy ending for you somewhere. And it may be the one you have known for years.

###

You're back in LA, but for some reason it feels strange. Well, nothing is like it was anymore. Pete died. Everyone, including you, is sad and you try to suppress those thoughts, but it always makes you think how horrible it would be if Mark died too. Everyday you wonder how is he doing, but other than those one or two calls with Callie, you won't bring yourself to actually find out. Your boyfriend is amazing and once or twice you caught yourself thinking that he is something like _too amazing_. What can you do? You're not used to this. Your life has been full of dysfunctional relationships, having such a perfect man in your life doesn't feel familiar, the last time you had one, it was probably Derek in the time shortly after you married him, but that didn't last long. You should be grateful, but it is...why do you miss your flawed men with all that _screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain_? (you haven't thought about kissing Derek for years, so why are you now reminiscencing about the rainy night when he kissed you outside his trailer?) You even imagine Sam, freakin' offensive and awfully passionate Sam, and finally you see Mark, the way you could scream at each other for hours for hundread pointless reasons back in New York and then you had passionate sex. It was all so incredibly wrong, but it felt okay at that time. You see him shouting:

"_We all made mistakes Addison, all three of us, but somehow I lost my best friend an the woman I loved!"_

"I deserve happiness," you tell yourself, but you're not so sure about it.

And then Callie calls and invites you to her birthday party, because she's 35 in a few days and that's kinda big.

"Of course, Henry and Jake are invited too. Zola and Sofia are both gonna be there, so...I hope you make time. I'd love to see you Addie, make it the start of us seeing each other more often, because we really have to work on that!"

###

Today you're just sitting in Callie's apartment once again, she's talking mostly about nothing and you're just happy you are close to your daughter. Arizona is there too, but it's not like she really IS there. She is distant and she doesn't talk much. If anyone asked you, you would say your own situation is hundread times worse, but that doesn't mean you consider hers easy. You know she has the new prosthetic leg and the glances you both send in each other's direction every now and then tell you that you are both aware about each other's situation and somehow understand each other – something you don't believe Callie will ever be fully able to do. You're playing with Sofia, Arizona has even given her a new pretty hairstyle, distracting herself from other things using hairbands and bobbie pins, and suddenly Callie announces she would like to celebrate her birthday and also winning the lawsuit regarding the plane crash. Because she's 35 in a few days and that's really nice opportunity for the party, and celebration of winning all those money for such thing, may just be a sick sense of humour. Or something, because the thing she's planning really feels like _survivor's dinner._

###

You kinda admire Callie that she's in the mood for celebrating in times like these though you're not too sure that you want to attend that thing, but you dismiss the thought quickly, because Callie is your friend and you coming would make her hapy. Because it's not everyday a person celebrates their 35th birthday. Because you both promised you're gonna try to see each other more often.

You can't help wondering whether Mark will be there and in a few seconds you come to conclusion that he certainly will. And for some reason you later tell Jake:

"You know, Callie's turning 35 in a few days. She invited me to come to her birthday party. I can take Henry with me cause Sofia and Zola are both gonna be there and everything. On Saturday. Is it ok? I'll be back on Sunday."

And only long time after this you will realize it was your first step of drifting away from the perfect man, who's also the perfect dad for Henry, towards the man who's grieving becase of the death of _love of his life_. Towards the man who hurt you too many times and you did the same thing to him about as many times. Towards the man, whose baby you aborted only to later find out you couldn't have any more children of your own and he had a daughter with his lesbian BFF. Towards the man with whom it never worked, but whom you miss so damn much.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah...modified __'survivors dinner' is coming up next chapter. ;) That means __rewrite of the 9x11 scene __– _with Mark and Addison in it. Now, that should be interesting...thoughts?

_Also, tell me your opinion on this whole fic, suggest what should I improve or just share your love for Maddison with me ;D. It's all exciting to read. :)_


	6. Can't seem to shake the pain

_A/N: A new update, finally! Well, the end of the semester is approaching, which isn't exactly the best time for uploading fanfictions, but I'll do my best not to abandon this one. I promise because...huh, because I love it (and Maddison) too much. O:) Anyway, the title of this chapter is from the lyrics of Everybody Knows by John Legend. I promised you the 'survivors dinner', so here you are. Starting with narration from Mark's POV, with the symbol ### it's always switching between him and Addison:_

* * *

**Can****'t seem to shake the pain**

Saturday comes quickly, it's Callie's birthday party and for some twisted reason she has also chosen to celebrate winning all that money. So, you're all celebrating. Or well, those of you, who are not working (she tried to find a time, when most of her friends aren't on-call, but couldn't manage for every single one to be here) or who are not yet cleared for surgery (you may actually be the only one in this category). You still think it wasn't very good idea and you're 100% sure Derek, Meredith, Cristina and Arizona share your opinion. How the hell are you supposed to celebrate anything (especially winning the FREAKING LAWSUIT that would't happen at all if the PLANE didn't CRASH and didn't KILL LEXIE?!), when you're not sure you will ever be in the mood for celebrating anything ever again? Or something like that, a little less cliche and pathetic. Plus, for her birthday she also invited other people, who have no idea, how you survivors felt in those woods (not that she has!), for example Richard and Addison. You're certain she has gone mad and you would yell at her and send her to hell and other not quite as rhetorical places if you didn't have the slightest piece of gentleman in you and didn't want to humiliate her in front of everyone. Instead you rather walk far away from her, not sure if you want to talk with her ever again ,and you find Addie drinking a coctail in the corner.

"Hi, Red," when you said _See you soon_, you didn't actually imagine it would be this soon. Her Henry is playing with something on the floor and Zola is nudging him to the side. You don't see that guy, Jake, anywhere.

"Isn't your boyfriend here?"

"No...he's working," she answers casually, "How are you? Well, I see you are making progress," she smiles approvingly when she sees you're not even using a walking stick at the moment.

_When you say so._ You make a crooked grin, but you don't have the heart to tell her other than: "Yeah, it's slow, but it's there."

"Good," she smiles.

And then you're all eating some fancy meal and you're all just silently looking down to your plates hoping to finish this celebration or whatever it is as quickly as possible cos you've already given Callie birthday presents and the whole thing just feels wrong.

She asks: "How's everyone's dinner?"

„Okay."

"Good."

"Good."

"Yeah."

Someone asks, "Addie, how's LA?" and she really doesn't want to talk about her personal life, so she just tells you all about the interesting case she was treating a week ago.

"How did the surgery with James go?" Derek asks Arizona and she explains that Jackson didn't listen, he went ahead with the monobloc readvancement and she stood there for five hours making sure he didn't mess it up.

"I'd like to make a toast," Callie announces.

"Oh, Callie, no toasts. You know what, let's just get this dinner over with...," yeah, you can't agree more.

"Arizona stood for five hours."

"That's not the point."

"Yeah, I know. Do you realize how big is it? You standing for five hours isn't the point? ...Do you know what else happened today? Derek played ping-pong."

"And lost."

"And wanted to keep on playing cos his wrist wasn't sore."

And then she turns to Cristina, who's obviously not paying any attention to her, because she is too caught up with what she sees in her phone: "What are you doing?"

Cristina quickly puts the phone down: "Oh, sorry. I'm just, uh, quickly texting Owen."

"Sexting," Meredith interjects and you can't help it, you grin. You don't remember the last time you actually found something funny or were thinking about sex, though you used to do it all the time. In the time _before_. Now you're living in the _after_.

"She's trying, that's what she's doing," Callie sums it in her own way. You often think she's overly idealistic, but well...maybe that's something you all need a piece of.

"Um, we're all...we're trying. Don't you see that? We're all trying. Trying to move on, which is progress and it feels weird and sad and wrong, but it also feels exciting."

_When you have lost the power  
__They used to leave you fee  
__To know you have this anger  
__For all the things you've seen  
_

_(Aaron – Seeds of Gold)_

And that's when it comes. Callie has tears in her eyes and she starts:

"I miss Lexie."

And for some reason rage boils in you and you don't know whether you should cry and drown in your tears or start shouting something like _Don't you dare..._ But just like a few days ago at the graveyard, you don't feel you have anymore tears left to cry. And you're probably too shocked to start shouting cos before you can say anything, she continues:

"And I miss you laughing," for some reason you feel like she is piercing _you_ with her glare now, "And I miss you joking. And I'm heartbroken, but I'm also grateful, that all of you are here tonight. And I'm gonna celebrate that and we're gonna toast. Come on, toast."

She picks up her glass and you hear Derek saying: "Happy 35, Callie."

And then the waiter is going around your table and offerig you all champagne, but Meredith dismisses it with "No, thank you."

Callie firmly says: "Yes, she's having champagne. Grey, we're all having champagne."

"No, I can't."

And when you see Derek's small smile, you somehow know, why his wife doesn't wanna drink, before Callie does.  
"Just try, come on, is it too much to ask you to try?"

"I can't because I'm pregnant."

And then there are happy squeals and she's receiving congratulations from all sides. And Richard is smiling almost like he's going to be a grandpa. But your eyes search for Addie. And since your ability to sense what she's feeling never really disappeared, you know she feels uncomfortable with the situation. And she knows you know, but she also knows you wouldn't comfort her. And you don't because you remember that Addie once wanted Derek, wanted to have a baby with him so badly that she aborted yours and that's unforgivable. Yes, you had your role in that too – along with Charlene and some other booty calls – but your memory is selective and you don't think about that. You just watch the three kids and imagine a little boy or girl with Derek's hair (boy would be more fitting) among them. It's a nice though and for the first time since the crash you feel happy for somebody.

###

Zola stopped nudging your son and they proceeded to fighting over a toy. When you see them you realize how smaller than Zola Henry is and that you should tear them apart for his safety. Meredith comes trying to stop them too and when your gazes meet, Meredith notices something strange in your eyes. She can't really choose, whether she wants to know, but she still asks:

"What?"

You bite your lip, but then you manage a smile and say:  
"Congratulations."

Meredith's face breaks into a smile too and you start thinking. You're not exactly aware of the facts, that she was pregnant before, the gunman walked into the hospital, he wanted to kill your ex-husband when he was lying unconsious on the operating table, Meredith begged him to shoot her instead, after all that she lost her baby and then she and Derek had problems conceiving (though you might have heard somebody utter the words _hostile uterus_ in the meantime and you're an OB/GYN and you're perfectly aware of what that means). But you see Meredith and Derek with the baby that's obviously adopted and you put two and two together. Your situation with Henry is after all very similar. And your own story and stories of countless other women you were treating in your career make you think that Meredith being pregnant is the rare kind of happiness. But you really didn't plan dealing with such things tonight and you rather move away and find Callie to have a talk with her. Among other things, you bring up Miranda:

"By the way, how's Bailey? Is she working tonight?"

"Yeah, well, I really wanted her to come, but we just couldn't organize our schedules for everyone to be here on one night."

"Yeah, I see. So, how is she? And her boy, well, he's like...six now? I remember delivering him like it was yesterday," _yeah, the day when whole hospital could've blown up_, you remind youself, "How are they?"

"Tuck, he's visiting his dad right now. Well, he's great, smart little boy. I'd say they're doing fine. Huh, of course they are...Bailey...she's something like Bailey-Warren now," Callie winks.

"What? She got married? How come I don't know anything about that?" you squeal happily, almost like a teenage girl.

"Yup...and Ben, the husband of hers...really handsome," wide smile settles on her lips and she nods approvingly almost like she wasn't a lesbian who in addition happens to have a daughter with her male best friend.

You make a mental note to ask Miranda about that sometime, but right now you are starting to look forward to going back to LA. And to Jake. You can't rationally explain even to yourself why you didn't bring him along, just having him by your side would provide you with some sort of comfort when Meredith announced she was pregnant.

###

As the evening continues, you find yourself standing next to Addie at the bar. Now you're having a casual conversation with her. Though you can both sense a big elephant in the room between you two and then there comes a moment when you can't avoid thinking about it anymore. It makes you wonder – she once told you you'd be a terrible father, later Callie kinda helped you undestand it was true, because she mentioned dads liked kids and remembered important dates and everything...but that was years ago. You now have a daughter with Callie, you're a great dad to her and you also selflessly helped Sloane, the other girl who came into your life as the result of your manwhore tendencies. And all of the outcomes of these tendencies always hurt Lexie, but on the other hand there's no doubt she was the one who made you a better man, made you want to commit and so. Yeah, there once was a time when you wanted to commit to Addison...but it wasn't real – the thought occurs in your mind that it wasn't _meant to be_ and it just gets you to start tearing up again.

Addison notices and she carefully asks: "...Mark?"

And at this moment you cannot react in any other way. You start out of the blue with anger implied in your words:

"What's the point in trying to commit when it all gets wrecked in the end anyway?!"

You think about how you wanted to commit to Lexie, about the life with her you desired but you will never have. And for some reason one other example also comes to your mind – Addison...she was always just using you to feel better about herself and said you had no idea about commitment. And when you finally felt ready to commit to her, she slept with Karev. You let her go because...once in your life you wanted to behave like the greater man. Lexie made you want to be greater all the time. And in this moment your heart aches a bit more than it usually does and it's not because you've suffered a cardiac tamponade. No, it is because you remember how you let Lexie go too. To be with Jackson. And it becomes too much, but since you somehow get that you can't take out your frustrations about Lexie's death on Addison, you snap at her:

"Why did you sleep with Karev?!"

In this moment it's not like you even wanna know, you're sure it was for some stupid enough reason and you just selfishly want to make her feel bad.

###

You're shocked. You can't believe that in this particular situation he brings up such thing from years ago. It were always things like this – mostly meaningless sex – on which your relationship failed.  
_And it led to me becoming the meaningless sex,_ you bitterly say to yourself when you let yourself think about that moment in your bed in LA when you practically begged Mark to stay with you and he realized he wanted to go back to Lexie.

"Are you seriously asking this now?! Let me remind you, you slept with someone too!"

"I didn't! I just said that so you wouldn't feel guilty!"  
Now this leaves you at the loss of words. Why?! Why were you so stupid? Why didn't you say anything when he told you he had slept with someone? Why Mark...? And you don't know if you are more angry with yourself or with him.

"Because I was confused and scared and I didn't recognize my own life anymore! Just don't pretend you never did such thing!" and in the front of your mind there immediately occur thoughts about Mark buying an onesie and a calendar and sleeping with Charlene few days after that.

"You should've fought for me! But you just let me go!"

And the room falls silent and it's inevitable that everyone heard your outburst.

_That's just perfect_, you tell yourself and then you lift Henry off the ground, move to Callie and say:

"Huh, Callie...thanks for inviting us... and thanks for the evening. But we should really go."

You put on your coat, take Henry and leave.

_How to be brave__  
__How can I love when I'm afraid?_

_(Christina Perri – A Thousand Years)_

* * *

_A/N: Uh...cliffhanger. I know I've done something similar before, but...there is a difference between snapping at someone just because you don't want them to see your weekness, and bringing up their mistakes from the past and the wrongs they commited on you. Mark still remembers it clearly. Doesn't that indicate something? And Addison is obviously also gonna contemplate about what she said and what does that mean. Anyway, I feel this is sort of game-changer. I will try to explain in the next chapter...well, if you're interested. __Please, don't make greyslostwho be the only one who writes me reviews :D and tell me what you think ;)._


	7. It's time

_Huh...two reviews? I guess it's better support than nothing :p. Anyway, let's talk about something else...I said the previous chapter was game changing in a way. Wanna find out why? Just read this one! I have no idea how you're gonna feel about it, I guess it's something you're either gonna love or hate, but just tell me yourself. Anyway, about the title...It's Time is the song by Imagine Dragons._

* * *

**It's time**

For once it's nice and sunny day in Seattle and you're visiting Lexie's grave. Without a company, you've settled to the habit of doing that on your own and you somehow feel comfortable when it's just you, your few tears and the thoughts of your love. You have brought her a bouquet of flowers whose name you don't remember, you just know they are white and they are pretty. You put them on the grave, you sweep away the dirt from it and dry the loose tears that fall at your cheek when you look at the gravestone saying _Lexie Grey (1982-2012)_. You weren't even at her funeral, because you were in vegetative state then. You don't know whether it is better or worse. If you can use that (in this case horrible) expression, you try to _make it up_ to her and you go here really often, making sure her grave looks nice, sure she isn't alone...of course you subconsciously know this behavior isn't exactly healthy. But it's not like you care. You manage a small smile and you tell her:

"Meredith and Derek are expecting another baby. You know, you're going to be an aunt again. Meredith and I are gonna make sure he or she knows about you. And also that Zola remembers how amazing her aunt is," you sigh and you feel the ache on your chest. You believe it's induced by both medical and emotional reasons and you remember to take your meds when you get home.

And with tears in your eyes you continue:

"I'm sorry I screwed up. Just...everything could have been different today," you can't help thinking how – in some universe of perfection – you could've been married by now and maybe also have a child. Yes, Lexie was too young for that but had you two not always been on and off, had you been together all that time, had you been a better man, she might have been ready and everything. If only one little circumstance changed, neither of you might have been on that fucking plane. But on the other hand, had you been together all that time without ridiculous break-ups, without sleeping with other people...there would be no Sofia. You hate that thought and suddenly screwing up doesn't seem so bad. Also, it kind of brought you to Lexie. Because you two might have never even met if you never screwed it up with Addison, _the only other woman you have ever loved_. You have no idea where is that thought coming from and you also contemplate about how you're gonna carry on with your life. It was unimaginable before and it still doesn't feel real or right, but somehow you think about it more and more everyday. But you can't be making any plans without Lexie yet, it's too surreal. You once said that all you wanted to do for the rest of your life was making her happy. What would Lexie want? What would make her happy? You guess you will just try and be there for her sister and for all your friends now. And hopefully you will see with time. But when you ask yourself the question what you should do, one thought occurs.

_You should've fought for me_, said Addison, who was supposedly over you and she now had a great boyfriend and son. Of course, it was because of the offensive question, you asked in the spur of the moment, when you thought about commitment, but still.

"Lexie, help me. How am I ever supposed to love any other woman apart from you? Back then I couldn't even fight for Addison..." and for some reason you're shocked with yourself and you feel the mix of guilt and shame, because you just did the unthinkable. You mentioned Addison at Lexie's grave. It makes you wanna quickly forget the thought and, shaking your head with tears in your eyes, you light the candle up and leave.

But you can't stop that thought from coming again. In the evening back in your apartment you somehow don't feel Lexie that close and you allow your mind to drift to the redhead. And it only takes a few moments till you realize that you really don't know what to do but you promise yourself you won't screw up again. Not with the other of the two women you have ever loved.

###

You and Henry have been back in LA with Jake for some time now, but Jake noticed something strange in your behavior. When he catches you calling Callie for the third time in less that two months, mainly to ask about how Mark is, suspicions start crossing his mind. Until one evening when you're sitting in the living room and he softly asks:

"Addie...I don't want to be insensitive or...but is there more to the story of you and Mark? Cos you sounded pretty concerned today...sorry I overheard, I just couldn't miss it. I see you're pretty shaken up after his injury."

You can't think of any other response than:

"Of couse I'm concerned with my friend's health! And I feel bad for not speaking with him for months, you know, before the crash."

"What else happened with you two? I mean...what happened after you aborted the baby?"

This...hurt. But you somehow manage to stutter:

"Why are you asking me this?"

But when you see him, his expresion is just so concerned and caring, you have no idea where's that coming from.

"Addison...you're not yourself. I mean...since Callie's birthday party..."

You look down sadly and your voice is quiet:

"He...there was a situation and...he brought up something from the past. He...how could he...but you know, I had hurt him...with my abortion...an so on. He was hurt and I realized he wanted to hurt me just as much." _Not that he hadn't already_...you think bitterly,

"I just didn't realize he had never gotten over it. And...I said something hurtful to him too. And I can't stop thinking about it."

When you remember you shouted _You should've fought for me!_ in front of everyone, it only makes you feel worse. And it's mainly because of this perfect guy sitting in front of you.

And Jake obviously clinged to the statement _I just didn't realize he had never gotten over it, _because what you hear next is:

"Did you get over him?"

You're shocked, but you realize the question fell exactly to place.

You think. You don't love Mark anymore, you've been happy without him for months (well, maybe you haven't but that was because of other things), but you never really got over the _betrayal _you felt three years ago, when Mark came to LA with his daughter and he left you like that. Again, he made big promises and they fell apart in seconds. He made you believe in you two together again and you don't think you can get over those broken promises. Wait, what? You've been happy with your boyfriend and son for months. You didn't even think about Mark for a long time before his life-threatening injury. You feel pathetic behaving like this.

"I...I don't know," you stutter, "I just know I love you."

"Addison..." he shots you a pained look, "I...imagine both me and Mark with engagement rings for you. That situation. What would your heart tell you to do? Who would you choose to spend the rest of your life with?"

You're shocked once again. You're almost sure Jake is the best man you have ever met. The thought of spending rest of your life with Jake was something slowly beginning to linger on your mind for some time before the plane crash. But it somehow now pales in comparision to the image of Mark being the one who slides a ring onto your finger. You can't believe what you realize – that you somehow imagined that moment before. Once or twice back in New York before you both screwed up, before you desperately wanted to have Derek back. It was for a really short period of time, not more than two weeks. It was after Derek left and you were somehow happy because you were finally living with somebody who truly cared about you. At those times you thought what that would be like. You would be out of your marriage to Derek, and Mark would come one day and say he doesn't want to be the manwhore anymore, that he wants to give everything to you, that he loves you more than anything and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He hurt you like hell instead, but in this moment you just can't get rid of the image you thought was long forgotten. You can't get rid of the thought that he needs more support than his friends (that all have their own problems and careers and families) can provide him with. Of the thought that just like he has never gotten over you sleeping with Karev, he may never get over Lexie's death and never stop occasionally dropping hurtful comments like the one at Callie's birthday party. But at the same time you acknowledge that despite his words you haven't stopped wondering how he was. And you also kind of miss him. And then you start crying and you say:

"Jake, I...you...you know what I'm gonna say. I haven't realized before and...I don't want to imagine what it would be like if I realized after..." After what? _After I married you_. Because you can't utter that, but that's exactly what could've happened, you could've married Jake someday and that would've been a disaster. You could've lived the rest of your life unconscious of your real feelings. Or you could've...

"My past is ugly and my life is a complete mess and I just realized it's not gonna get any better anytime soon and...you should find a woman who wouldn't complicate your life, who wouldn't hurt you and who would make you happy. I'm just that desperate girl who's hopelessly falling for a man grieving over _love of his life_. And... and Mark out of all! Jake, you don't want that."

You realize you're turning down the perfect guy with whom you imagined your future a really short time ago, for the guy you have almost zero chances with. Because he is grieving and he's hurt and he's changed. But you can't let go of the hope that when you fight like hell and overcome every obstacle, one day you will be **his again.**

_It's time to begin_

_Isn't it?_

_(Imagine Dragons - It__'s Time)_

* * *

_...I think it really is. So...now I'm almost scared to hear your opinions, but I'm also incredibly anxious. And...you can find a reference to Addie's words from actual PP and well...also Addie's words resembling those Derek once said to Meredith in GA. Or?...;)_

_What to expect next: Well you probably guessed, but...Addie back in Seattle :)._


	8. It's just time that runs between us

_Hello, guys...finals coming up, what could be more pleasant? :p Anyway, that doesn't mean my addiction to Maddison isn't kicking in :D, so here's a new chapter for you. I promised Addie coming back to Seattle, so here you are, it seriously i__s__ time for some actual interactions and moments-full-of-hidden-feelings between her and Mark. "It's just time that runs between us" is the piece of lyrics from 'Mine Again'._

* * *

**It's just time that runs between us**

You still can't believe what's happening. You dropping Henry in daycare this morning and now standing in the office of the Chief of surgery in Seattle Grace...no, wait...you cringe when you suddenly come to the painful realization it's Grey Memorial Hospital now. But when you shake hands with Owen Hunt, he hands you the employment contract and your hand smooths over your brand new labcoat, it all settles in. You can't say whether you are ecstatic or frightened. In this moment you are just almost grateful Richard isn't the chief anymore because you're sure job interview with him would lead to really awkward talk about personal matters. Mainly about your reasons for coming back and you're not sure you're ready to cut deep into this issue just yet. Or maybe like...ever. Of course you know people will ask you sooner more likely than later anyway, but you just hope to deal with it somehow when it comes up. The other thing you realize is that your new locker in the lounge is located right next to the one belonging to Meredith Grey and it just makes you wonder whether this position of lockers is random, proving life's sick sense of humour or someone is trying to mock you already. You're somehow relieved when you find out that Mark's locker isn't anywhere close. Not that you have an idea when he'll be medically capable of coming back to work. Anyway, surprisingly enough, you feel something like the wave of pleasant rush when you step into the hallways of the surgical floor and you meet with the group of interns assigned to you today.

"I'm Addison Montgomery, the new head of obscetrics and gynaecology, you'll be working with me today," you're trying to recognize some of their faces but without much success, "Ok, let's go rounding now."

So you go to your first rounds in this hospital in six years. It's hard to believe. But well, the latest time you had eager interns (ok, maybe they weren't so eager for your particular speciality, but still) walking behind you, they were Karev, Grey and Yang. You hear something like "Look at those heels!" among the group and you roll your eyes thinking whether the hell have they never seen a woman in high heels before. Or they may just be taking bets on the prize of the shoes, guessing when you trip in them or something even weirder, but you couldn't care less. Instead you just turn around, smile at the interns in Satan-like fashion, piercing them with your glare and then you firmly ask:

"Who's presenting?"

A male intern steps out, he hands you the chart and starts:

"Katy Thomas, 30, 27 weeks pregnant with triplets, as far as we know, two of them conjoined."

He manages to answer all your following questions correctly and you have to admit he appears promising as a doctor.

"Impressive presentation. What's your name again?"

"Michael O'Briann," he smiles proudly and you wouldn't be caught dead thinking that, considering everything in your life right now, but if anyone asked you, you would say he wasn't bad looking.

It is almost like the good old times (good in comparision to this) – the familiar feeling when you pass Miranda Bailey in the hallway, eating lunch with Callie...Seattle Grace (again, you have to remind yourself it's Grey Memorial now) rumour mill didn't disappoint and everybody knows you're back. Anyway, casual talking with Callie again feels good. Except for the topics, because they aren't too delightful, but they are mirroring the life of you both after all.

"It has not been easy, but...with Arizona...we're hopefully getting over it. You know, she has a new prosthetic leg and it still feels somehow...alien to her. I can't really blame her, can I?"

You really don't have any proper response to that, so you just shrug a little, sipping your greenjuice. Callie later talks about Derek still having some problems with his hand and when she mentions Mark – something about him being discharged from the hospital but not yet cleared to work, so he has nothing to do and spends an annoying amount of time in Callie's apartment, but she can't really blame him for not wanting to be alone – you wish she would just change the topic. But then finally comes a question you've been expecting, but kind of dreading:

"Addie, may I ask...why did you return to Seattle after all those years? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy we're finally gonna be meeting more, but...why?"

"You know, it's just...everything is changing and I don't really know how I feel about my life anymore. We broke up with Jake and...I went to LA in the first place because I wanted to have a baby," now your eyes light up, "And now I have Henry, who...he has brought more happiness to my life than anybody ever has."

But of course, Callie is not stupid and she has her suspicions it's about more. Especially with you calling her all the time in the past few weeks and never forgetting to ask how Mark was doing. But she decides it would be better not to say them aloud now. It is not typical for Callie, normally she's very outgoing and willing to say everything that's on her mind at the moment, but this is a really sensitive subject. Anyway, she informs you:

"Mark has an appointment with Yang tommorow. I was thinking...maybe if you want to see him..."

You say to yourself it would be a whole lot safer if you just avoided him, but you are more than aware it wouldn't quite serve the main purpose of your return to Seattle. You say nothing and after you finish your meal, neither you or Callie preoccupied with work at the moment, you both head to daycare to see Henry, Sofia and Zola.

...

"Addison...what the hell are you doing?" you ask your mirror reflection the next morning when you find yourself changing your skirt twice and your top three times. With the amount of time you're looking in the mirror, fixing your make-up and examining yourself, you realize something about this is seriously not okay. But Mark's gonna be at the hospital today. Suddenly it doesn't matter that you feel like a teenage girl preparing for the first date, that you haven't seen him in 3 months, that you can't even be sure you will meet him today and if so, whether it would be pleasant. After all, the last time you two were talking, you shouted _You should've fought for me!_ at him and then you stormed out of the room. It doesn't matter though, because today you're gonna be close to him.

###

You are aware of the fact that Addie is back in Seattle, but you don't really know how you feel about it. You just realize bumping into each other at work probably wouldn't be the best first meeting (with everything that went down recently), so you should talk to her...and apologize probably, because some of your words were really out of line...before you actually come back to work. Which will hopefully be soon because spending all day on your own, let alone in an apartment filled with haunting memories of Lexie, isn't helping you at all. You can't help yourself, you wonder a little why Addie's returning now, but you also bitterly remind yourself how she always moves. From New York to Seattle, from Seattle to Los Angeles, now back...she's probably just running from something or somebody...AGAIN. But why would she do it? She had a kid and boyfriend in LA. But Callie only said something about Addie coming with her son, she didn't mention a boyfriend at all. Could she be running away from him? You would disapprove of her remaining way to handle her issues if you didn't just remember promising yourself that you wouldn't screw up with her again. You've just gotten a chance to make it all better. You hope you run into her at the hospital today – you don't really know what you would say, but you have to start somewhere, right?

And of course, because this hospital is what it is, when you come out of the exam room where Yang was giving you an exam, you immediately see Addie in the hallway. She is writing a note to the chart at the counter and you approach her.

"Hey, how's been your first week back? Already torturing interns?"

And surprisingly enough, mainly because of what happened the last time you two were talking, she smiles a bit and then looks at you from over the glasses that are placed on her nose:

"Well, yeah...cos we're treating an interesting case and they can really learn a lot from it if they work hard enough."

"When you say so," you shrug, cos it's not like OB really interest you.

"Wilson and that guy...O'Briann look promising."

Neither is it like you had any chance to work with any of the interns just yet, so you don't really remember who is who. You remain silent, then you both throw in a few chin-chins, change a few meaningful glances, her looking as hot as always when she does that thing with her glasses on her nose, and you both avoid the subject of Callie's birthday party though you're both thinking about it.

###

„How is...how are you?" you ask and you suddenly fight the urge to touch his chest to make sure his heart is beating. You only gesture something with your hand in the air.

"I'm ok, I'm actually cleared to work," he says, "So I guess you'll see me here from Monday on."

You are a little bewildered: "Wait, you were examined by Yang, right? Is it her place to say something like that?"

"You know, she's a cardio fellow," he smirks. It's strange when you realize how much time has passed. When you left for LA, Cristina Yang was finishing her intern year.

"Huh, sorry. It's still a little strange...what about other Bailey's inte...I mean, doctors in her year?"

"I thought you knew. Meredith is a general surgeon and Karev is in peds."

Karev in peds? The first thing you automatically remember is how he once was all about plastics and a pain in the ass, when he had to be on your service in _vagina squad_. You kinda forced him to work with you because he was so insensitive and disrespectful for your specialty. Yeah, and you have to remind yourself it was also because you liked to be in his presence. But he suddenly showed a real gift for working with babies and you saw how compassionate he could be and how much talent he had. Right now you smile proudly, because you think you can take a little credit for Karev and you're sure he's gonna be a great pediatric surgeon. Actually, you should know you can take about the same amount of credit for this as Arizona Robbins. Which means, fairly lot.

When Mark sees your widened smile, he asks:

"What?"

"Just remembering how you used to say he was too soft for plastics," you chuckle.

"I was right. As always, what can I say? Anyway, I'm proud to say I've gotten a great plastics fellow this year."

"Yes? And who's that? I don't remember you speaking of anyone in their year like you were fond of them."

"When we merged with Mercy West, this guy came...haven't you met him yet? Jackson Avery."

You're trying to put together faces and names of the people you've met in previous days and times you visited Seattle before. You don't really remember who is Jackson Avery, but of course something in your mind clicks:

"Jackson Avery? As in Harper Avery's...something? A relative?"

"Grandson."

"And he went into plastics? I would've pegged Harper Avery's grandson for something more..."

"I did not just hear that," he says and you have to laugh:

"...Well, I don't even know what adjective I was gonna use."

###

You needed a lighthearted conversation like this for long, because something finally makes you feel good. When you put your hand on the counter, you feel your fingers accidentaly brushed with Addie's and for some reason you think about taking your meds when you're having lunch. Maybe it is because your heart subconsciously skipped a beat.

And you notice something like blushing in Addie's face before she asks:

"Is there anyone else from their year I know?"

"You have probably met Kepner, but I think she failed. And that's...," in associaton with that you can't keep the though of the certain person who was supposed to become a board-certified surgeon next year from coming. And along with that also an image of how brilliant she was in neuro, how great she would be working in Derek's department and in general, what a beautiful and amazing woman she was until it has all been wasted under a plane wing.

"And that's all," you look down sadly and say: "I should go."

###

For some reason you're in better mood for the rest of the day. You continue working with O'Briann and he's doing a great job.

"I'm really pleased with your work today, keep it up."

And when he's handing you the chart and his fingers linger on your hand more than they probably should, you find yourself missing that brief touch from Mark. Anyway, O'Briann smiles and he gives you a compliment:

"Doctor Montgomery, I think the work you're doing is amazing."

You smile back and say: "Thanks, O'Briann. Well, you have a good chance to learn a lot more about it so make the most of it."

And you briefly look through a chart, then you put it down, you turn around and leave to change and go home, because your shift is over. You go and take Henry from daycare and you actually meet with Callie there. She's dressing Sofia into her little coat and when she sees you, she asks you with a twinkle in her eye:

"What was that thing I saw today?"

You form a confused expression: "What do you mean?"

"You and Mark at the nurses station. That glances over your glasses...and smiles...and chattering..."

You feel lucky she didn't see your hands, cos Callie seriously has a talent in making a huge deal out of nothing.

"Callie...you can't seriously be suggesting I'd try starting something with him. Or whatever this means."

"I'm not! I'm just saying you two looked comfortable in each other's presence."

These days when people think about Mark, they also automatically think about Lexie and Callie can't avoid it either, but she tries to suppress the thought, because thinking of her best friend in pain just makes her hurt a little too. She just knows he deserves a shot at happines again and after today she is the first one out of all their friends who gets an idea of what it might be. Both Mark and Addison are her good friends and knows most of their history together and she wishes them both all the best, so her automatical first thought is that there's no doubt they will get together again sooner or later.

"You know, I don't remember the last time he actually looked happy. And this thing I saw today...it was pretty damn close."

How to even react properly to this?

"Don't be silly, I'm sure he looks happy when he's with Sofia."

"Ok, that's the only exception. But Addie...today is the first day in the long time when you two actually talked and it seemed really nice and natural almost like you do it every day."

But you suddenly frown: "Well, I certainly don't think it was nice when we actually talked the other day."

Callie very well knows you mean her birthday party and she just says:

"He wasn't himself, really."

Your eyes wander around the room when you ask almost like you want her to comfort you: "Will he ever be?"

"Addie, honestly... I don't know. But according to the words he told you, you can say he still cares."

Small smile makes a way to your lips, but you rather don't continue with this discussion. You put Henry into the stroller and you both walk out of the daycare with your babies. Though, when O'Briann sees you on your way with a stroller, he's slightly disappointed. When you come to the entrance hall, a thought crosses Callie's mind and she asks:

"Addie, and what about your accomodation? Are you staying in a hotel now?"

"Well, yeah. I should find something better, because I want a real home for Henry, but...huh, I'll see. If you find an info about a free apartment or something, let me know."

She says, "Hm I can search for something in our apartment building for example," which just makes you think of the hallway with Mark's door right next to hers and before your mind can get crazy with presumptions of what it must be like over there or just drifft to the simple little idea of him walking out of the shower dressed only in towel, you think: _Rather no_.

And she has a sick sense of humour or something because then she says:

"You know, Mark has quite a big place."

You look at her sternly and Callie has to admit:

"Okay, that was not funny."

* * *

_I hope I did their meeting justice. So, what do you think? O:) Click the 'review' button and let me know.  
__Yeah, and about my AU character Michael O'Briann...you know, there's gotta be more surgical interns then five (Jo, Heather, Leah, Stehanie__, Shane__) in one year. For example, in 1x01 Meredith said there were 20 interns in theirs. I admit I was gonna give him a bigger part, but later I dismissed the idea for the sake of writing more interactions between Addison and Mark and because it might just feel like Alex Karev all over again :p._


	9. The picture that won't fade away

_New chapter, finally. The title is from the lyrics of 'Mine Again' and Mark is the 'you' in the beggining, with ### it is switching to Addison. Enjoy:_

* * *

**The picture that won't fade away**

You've been back at work for weeks and everyday it feels a little more normal, but is it possible for anything to be normal ever again? Well, there's certaintly one thing which has become a routine for you. Visiting this place filled with quiet, massive stoneboards, seemingly posessing all stillness in the world, but in reality it is all just eerie, candlelight, flowers and...Lexie. That's the reason why you feel at peace here, in the place that most people consider one of the scariest. It's the beginning of spring now and you do your usual duties here. You light up the candles, you change the flowers in the vase so she has new and beautiful ones... When you were here for the first time and you looked at the gravestone, you really wished you knew how to pray. You were almost angry at yourself that you didn't have that ability, but you realized very soon that Lexie wouldn't care. God was your final hope when you were the most desperate, so maybe it indicated you believed in him more than you thought you did or maybe those were just thoughts of a completely helpless man. Anyway, now you're sure expressing to Lexie how important she was to you is all she needs. And that's why you come here every week and make sure everything looks nice, you talk to her because you want her to know everything what's been happening in life, and you make yourself feel she's actually listening to you. With sadness in your voice you speak of Arizona, because she still seems full of regret about the thing that has happened to her, and all distant. You speak of your great plastics fellow Jackson, but that soon leads into trying to suppress various painful thoughts, cos it brings an image of Jackson and Lexie together into your mind. You cheerfully speak of Derek's house because you love spending time there. For example, you were there two days ago and you've seen the nursery Derek and Meredith are setting up for their babyboy. Yes, they are having a boy and when you think about that you just can't keep the thought about the other little boy you now often see from appearing. You see Henry at Callie's, at daycare, with Addie in the hallway or...ok, but now you force yourself to stop thinking about him, cos when you do it, you always end up thinking about Addie sooner or later and that's something that can't happen at Lexie's grave. So you just make a little painful smile, once again make sure there aren't dried leaves or other mess on the grave and you say goodbye, telling her you're gonna come again in a week.

Addie started moving today and at first you were trying to play the sick heart guy-card, but you weren't really serious. Of course you seemingly try to make the others do all the work, because who likes carrying all that clothes, furniture, Henry's toys and other stuff? Addie has an annoying lot of them and you can't be making Owen move them all by himself so you're helping. Well, Derek helped a little too, but these days he's just ridiculously cheerful and always rushing home to hover over his pregnant wife. So you two figured out you are better off without him. It's better he spends time with Meredith and you're even something like _happy_ for him though you can't remember the last time you've felt what that word actually means.

In the end Addie's not moving into the same apartment building as you, Callie and Arizona (not that you knew Callie was suggesting it), but it's actually located just down the street. It's a nice building, not too big, in modern achitecture, mostly white and grey, with big windows. You're generally happy Addie's back in the gang, it's really nice after six years of seeing her only like once a year. Of course, about nine of ten times she's with her son. It was bugging you at first, mostly because...well, because of _that_ reason, the one you hate to think about. But now it's somehow ok. You find yourself grinning at how you all have changed...from reckless people with nothing to really worry about, to full time parents. Meredith and Derek with Zola and their expectant boy, Addie with Henry, well, Bailey with Tucker, Callie, Arizona and you with Sofia and all that. You often see Addie interacting with her son and though you don't fully acknowledge it, when you're watching Meredith doing it with Zola or Callie with Sofia, you focus on how cute the babygirls are. But when you're watching Addie with Henry, you see how she laughs happily and flings her head back while doing it, how her hair swing in the air and her spine curves slightly and other little things like that you just can't miss. When you actually make some effort and focus on Henry, you always find yourself thinking he's amazing – smaller than the girls, but the thought also crosses you mind, that he will be a perfect bud for Meredith's and Derek's son. And it just makes you laugh because Addie's son being best friends with Meredith's and Derek's is actually ridiculous idea. But stranger things have happened in the world after all. Then it makes you think about your own friendship with Derek and you tell yourself that it should be _your_ son who's gonna be best friends with Derek's. And you once again find yourself wishing Henry was yours.

The four of you just managed to finish carrying all Addie's stuff to her new apartment (you would swear she bought like hundread of new ones while moving) and you're the one who suggests with a smirk:

"You should throw a housewarming party."  
"Oh yeah, and who do you think I'm supposed to invite? Some random nurses from the hospital? You know, we could just have a housewarming party right now."

She gazes you, Callie and Arizona, who are all present, and thinks that'll just be about enough. But after a second she suggests with a smile:

"You should come with the girls soon (she somehow manages to talk really casually about Sofia and what's even more unbelievable, also Zola), I just set up Henry's room and he has got some great new toys, he will be happy to share and play together with them."

"Yeah I'm sure, but...," Callie shrugs like she's doubtful about something, "I'm not too sure about Sofia and Zola, won't Henry's toys be too boyish for them? And they're older, I'm afraid they will just think Henry's too little, they will start with their _total secret big girl's club_ and they will not want to play with him. Yeah, I know I sound like I'm just automatically dismissing the idea, but what about rather going to playground on Friday? I believe...wait, you know, what I just thought of? When Meredith's and Derek's boy is born, they will be perfect buddies with Henry! Yay, it'll be amazing!"

And you catch yourself thinking Callie is really _your person_ in the true sense of the word.

###

Your friends left and you're happily getting accustomed in your new home. But in the evening Callie comes around again and she says she wants to borrow sugar. So you hand her some from your newly opened box, assure her that returning that small amount of sugar really won't be necessarry and you two sit in your kitchen and talk a little. Among other things she randomly mentions:

"It's funny how we busy doctors all turned into parents. I mean, all more or less at once...me, you, Arizona, Mark, Meredith, Derek..."

Is there a point to this statement? 'Cos it just gets you thinking that people might assume you're gonna deliver Meredith's boy. After all, everybody knows you are the best. But you will gladly pass to it on to whoever else of your co-workers in the department. It's not like they are any less competent and after all, Connie Ryan was Meredith's OB throughout the whole pregnancy. You weren't present at any of her appointments for the sake of your own sanity. Plus, Meredith certainly wouldn't be comfortable with _you_ being her doctor out of all, and you really have no desire to watch Derek go all lovey-dovey on her.

"...By the way, how is it going with Mark?"

"With Mark? What?"

"Oh come on, Addie! Seriously, nothing happened between you two yet? I mean, you always look so comfortable in each other's presence and when I see you together, I honestly only wait when he's going to shove you against the wall and..."

Your expression is somewhere between horrified and disbelieving and then you almost roll your eyes over into your head:

"Callie, seriously?! Let me remind you, you also look pretty comfortable in his presence and you are the one who actually has a daughter with him! Still, you two are just friends. A little weird, isn't it?"

"Yeah, okay, but you see, it's different."

"You know you sound just ridiculous. How is it different?

"Hm, I don't know...," Callie pretends to be thinking intensively, "What about the fact that I'm actually a lesbian?"

You smirk, but you can't help a little sigh that comes out when you say:

"Maybe I should become one too."

Callie just chuckles and says:

"No need. You know, being a lesbian actually isn't any easier. It would be far more practical if you just admitted your feelings for Mark."

...

At the end of the day after you put Henry in his crib, you sit down in front of the TV screen and watch _some really bad TV, where people's lives are more screwed than yours_. But something is seriously twisted in the world, because while switching programs you come across a scene, where a character asks the other one:

"Do you love him?"

You smack your forehead and you can't help yourself, you just yell at the TV box:

"Yes, I frickin' do!"

* * *

_What do you think? Tell me in reviews. And yeah, you probably feel this chapter was sort of a filler, but I'd still love to hear your opinions and suggestions.  
Up next: Season 9 finale...with Maddison in it! ;)_


	10. Perfect Storm

_I promised to show you what season 9 finale would look like with Mark & Addison being there. So...here you are :). Addison is__ "you" in the whole chapter. It _pretty much follows the plot of this episode and it contains a couple of scenes from it, but explaining everything that happened in the episode here would really be too much information that are pointless to my story, so if you haven't seen the episode for some reason and something is not clear to you, ask me. Or just get out of this site and watch it! Though, I like my version much more :D.

* * *

**Perfect Storm**

The weather can go crazy at many places across the U.S. and this time there is a big storm coming towards Seattle. That means the hospital is gonna have to function in emergency mode for a few hours when you're being surrounded by wind and rain, some extra injuries are expected to be brought in and you're sure also some random people will try to find a sanctuary and wait until the storm passes in here. Huh, you _can't wait_. The service men are making sure the back-up generators and other things are working, so you won't lose the much needed electric power and won't endanger the lives of any patients. You doctors are making sure you have supplies and that everything in your respective departments is being taken care of. And ironically enough, Meredith's water breaks during all that chaos and she goes into the early labour. And what's even more ironic, you're the one who's on call. But of course, the things in your life or Meredith's life or for that matter whoever's life here in Seattle never go as planned. So you take a deep breath and walk into Meredith's room.

"Ok Meredith, let's do this," you look at her with a small smile. Eyes of you both are indicating that you certainly didn't expect to see each other within these circumstances, but now you know personal matters have to go aside. You can behave like a greater person. Like a damn good doctor you are. You browse through Meredith's electronic chart trying to find out anything important, Derek says her contractions are three minutes apart and meanwhile another painful one hits her.

"Addison..."  
She grips Derek's hand and you look down and put on your gloves.

"I feel like I need to push. Can I push?"

"I just need to check first," you examine her cervix, but what you feel isn't good, "Meredith, I need you not to push. There's face presentation. I can feel your baby's face. So we're gonna need to do a C-section."

Meredith doesn't want to have surgery though Cristina assures her that i_t's just a C, that's barely surgery_ and _a moron could do C_, which causes you to send her a death stare and utter in stern tone of voice:  
"Yang..."

And as if it wasn't enough, the lights flicker and for a few seconds you're standing in the dark. So they start arguing whether it's good idea to do a C-section without a light and you wish Derek and Cristina would just shut up and let you do your job. One half of your wish comes true when intern Ross bursts through the door, tells Cristina to go help Richard in OR 2 and fortunately she leaves.  
Then Derek asks, indicating that he really doesn't get it:

"So, what are the risks of repositioning the baby?" and Meredith adds:

"Not minor risks, the big, ugly, scary risks, because I'm a magnet for those!"

"When I say vaginal delivery is not an option, I mean it's not an option."

"Are you saying babies with face presentation can't be born naturally?"

"Derek! It's not a good option!"

"Neither is cutting into my wife in the dark."

Yeah him rubbing into your face that Meredith is _his wife_ doesn't make you feel any more comfortable with doing the procedure, but doesn't he freakin' understand what you are saying?

"How many babies have you delivered in you career, Derek? A couple, maybe more? When I say vaginal delivery is not an option, I mean it's not an option! Now I could stand here and waste time explaining how your baby is in mento-posteric position and and pushing a baby like that would hypersthen his neck, which can be fatal, or I could better spend my time prepping Meredith and the baby for the delivery which won't endanger either of the lives! Now which one do you prefer?"

"_We're having a C-section in the dark."_

...

So here you are. With a help of two flashlights, cutting Meredith Grey's abdomen open before you will give her and Derek the reason to be so happy. You have to remind yourself all the time you can do this and wanting to get your mind off things you are just trying to talk in conversational tone:

"You two own the hospital. Can I request that OR is staffed with more than two flashlights in the future?"

"Addison, get this baby out of me safely and you can have whatever you want."

_Whatever I want. Grey, if you only knew._ You push the image of the certain person away from your mind and you listen to her and Derek discussing baby names, which definitely isn't pleasant, but nor is it as bad as you thought it would be. Soon you take the baby into your arms.

_"I don't hear him crying. Why isn't he crying?"_

And this is the first moment you feel actually scared. But you're not letting anything happen to the little boy. You push his chest a few times and seconds later when you are putting Derek's new son into his arms, he's breathing and whimpering and perfect and you feel a loose tear on your cheek.  
Still, boy's breathing is shallow and his sats are low (it's common for babies like him, who come out early) and you send him to NICU immediately. Derek decides to go with him (or Meredith decides it for Derek), when he's leaving, he places a soft kiss on Meredith's lips and that's when you realize that for some reason you don't care anymore. You continue working on her with interns Ross and Brooks holding the flashlights and this scene might even be funny to look at, if you didn't know what it is like to stand there. But you do not get to ruminate over it for too long and neither you get to finish the surgery, because suddenly an intern from OB department is standing at the door.

"Doctor Montgomery, it's an emergency. I have a mom with the placental abrubtion."

_Seriously?!_ "Ok Meredith, I closed your uterus and I just started to suture your incisions, do you trust these guys to finish?"

And when you're leaving and Meredith tells you "Thanks, Addison," you somehow find the power to say: _"Good luck mommy, congrats."_

You leave with some more tears prickling in your eyes, but you even feel _happy_ for Meredith, proud of yourself and most importantly, you focus on the next patient, who needs you.

...

_"Where__'s Meredith?"_

_"I delivered her baby hours ago, she should be in recovery."_

_"She's not. Where is she?"_

When you finish with the other delivery, you learn that Meredith had fallen down the stairs yesterday and when Ross and Brooks wanted to close her, they found out she had a massive splenic bleed. Miranda Bailey stepped in, she's back in her game and with an assist from Ross she saved her. And you know you should feel relieved, because everything's alright, but this is really too much. You blame yourself for not noticing right away and now you're sitting in an on-call room with your face buried in your hands and you feel incredibly overwhelmed.

Mark is on call today too, but they don't have much work in plastics. Well, you heard something about the tripped bus, which caused some burns, among other things, but they weren't that serious. And suddenly you hear the door of the on-call room opening and you catch the sight of him stepping in. You think it's impossible for this to be a pure coincidence, but you don't look up and you feel too tired to even care.

"You know, Meredith and her son are okay. Bailey did a great job. And so did you," his voice is so soft.

"Good. Do you want anything else?"

_I need a little more luck than a little bit_

_'Cause every time I get stuck the words won't fit_

_But every time that I try I get tongue tied_

_I need a little good love to get me by_

_(Faber Drive – Tongue Tied)_

And what comes out of his mouth is:  
"Yes. You."

Nothing he could have said would shock you more and you finally look at him. Your blue-green orbs find his blue ones and you feel like drowning in them. Only, it's him who's already drowning in you, his eyes laying on your face, your body, all your features. He crouches down in front of you and strokes your hair reminding you how vulnerable, but at the same time incredibly safe, you always feel when he does that. And you try to say something, but you really don't know what it is supposed to be:

"Mark..."

He captures your lips with his.

And you don't believe this is actually happening, but that's only until Mark slides his arms under your scrub top, undoes your bra and then takes the scrubs off. Because this is so you two. Your hands find his belt, you take off his pants and then you put you hands on his hips pulling them to yours. Soon all your clothes are removed and though it's so you two, for some reason it is different. It doesn't feel like that sex you had on the floor of your office three years ago. It actually feels like making love.

* * *

_People...I managed to resist for 10 chapters! And they managed to resist each other! ;) That deserves some reward! Well, I'd say definitely a review from you :), and I really hope you liked it, but just tell me your opinion yourself..._


	11. I Want You With Me

_Hi, how are you? I'm sorry for the delay in uploading this fic, but my first year-finals are really taking its toll on my activity at this website... Well, previously we've seen a Maddison-filled rewrite O:) of famous season 9 finale Perfect Storm and well...things finally moved between the two. Thank you for all the reviews, I'd like to specifically mention one I can't reply __to __personally, because it was from the guest, but it was great. And believe me, I have no idea how I resisted for so long either ;)._

_This chapter is also based on the actual episode, season 10 premiere titled Seal Our Fate/I Want You With Me. I Want You With Me is the song by LeAnn Rhimes, btw.  
Yeah, and some lines are borrowed from canon, so I don't own them. Starting with Mark's POV..._

* * *

**I want you with me**

Thousand thoughts linger somewhere in the back of your mind, but at this moment you can't and you don't want to think about anything else than the woman in your arms. That's the only thought that is important. Her soft skin pressed to yours, her red hair spread across your chest and her hand covering the place where your heart is. It seems that your heartbeat is making her calm. You don't know that, but she wanted to touch your chest to feel your beating heart since the first day she came back to Seattle. If she only knew that in this moment it is beating only for her. You'll have to discuss a thousand matters eventually, but right now lying together silently is enough and perfect. You're absentmindely running your fingers through the red locks and it feels almost magical. But of course it doesn't last long. It couldn't have been more than three minutes before Addie's pager goes off. And she abruptly gets up and says:

"It can't seriously be another woman in labor!"

She's quickly putting on her scrubs and you're sad that this kinda perfect moment ended so quickly. She smiles at you sadly, but before she walks out of the room, she leans back and places a soft kiss on your lips.

"Go save lives," you give her an encouraging smile and she leaves.

###

When you get to the room you were paged into, your eyes widen in shock and your breath remains stuck in your throat. No, it definitely isn't another woman in labor. There's a man lying on the bed and it isn't anyone else than your favorite mentor ever. Richard Webber, unconscious, and you wonder whether you want to know anything about his codition or it's just gonna be too painful. Before you bring yourself to actually saying anything, Miranda speaks up, her voice shaking:

"We thought you should know. We found him like that in the basement. Well, actually...Derek is now operating on Heather Brooks. She...they...they were lying in the pool of water, they...they have been electrocuted and she hit her head badly."

Though maybe you are even more scared of getting the answer, you ask the fateful question:

"Is he gonna be ok?"

"I wish I could tell you, but...we don't know."

You don't remember the last time you've seen Miranda Bailey cry, but this is too much, even for her.

"So...what are you gonna do?"

You burst into crying yourself and then Cristina comes with Richard's healthcare directive file and you can hear the shock in her words, when she announces who is his healthcare proxy.

...

"I don't understand."

"Richard has designated you as his medical power of attorney."

"But he can't make me his next of kin without talking to me first."

"...He did."

Meredith has just given birth during a superstorm, had a massive splenic bleed, talked an intern through the procedure he was performing on her and now she suddenly has to decide the fate of the man, who means more to her than her own father? Like...seriously? Could this girl's life be any more unpredictable, could she have even more crap pulled at her?

But it's not like your own life is predictable and you are unfamiliar with its crap being pulled at you. And...you're, in the sense of the word, also something like daughter to Richard Webber. So you get what Meredith is probably feeling right now. Being the one to decide his fate...it must feel utterly horrible. You can't imagine what you would do in this situation. You feel like saying something, but in your current state of mind you really have no idea what's that supposed to be. Having Cristina and Miranda right here arguing about the best treatment doesn't help Meredith at all either. Plus, with all the feelings that come rushing to her because of her relationship with Richard, because of all the things she's gone through today and because she's a new mom, it hardly can be more difficult.

"You know what I was thinking before you guys came in here? I was thinking I wish my mother was here to see my kids. I was wondering if she'd make a good grandmother... But you know what that is? That's delusional thinking. Because my mother would make a horrible grandmother, because she was a horrible mother. So...I'm delusional...and hormonal. And I can't trust my delusional thoughts... I have to rely on the labs. So we need to run the lactate again and if it's above six, we're going to do the surgery. And if it's not, we're not."  
Neither of them says a word and they all leave with unreadable expressions on their faces. You're leaving too, when Meredith calls:

"Addison?"

You turn around and look at her.  
"By the way, have you sen Mark?"

You have no idea, what could she want from him, but you don't really think about it, 'cos there are particular reasons that just bring one irrational thought into your head:  
_There's no way she can know, or is there?_

You choke a little, but you manage to say:  
"I...uh, I can go find him."

Though when Meredith replies:  
"It's ok, just asking...let him work," you feel almost relieved, 'cos you're not too sure what will or what's supposed to transpire between you two after the thing that happened today .

...

But you meet him again soon, because some time later when Richard is in surgery, a big doctor's meeting takes place in Meredith's room. Mark is there also and you two don't exchange a word, but can't help catching each other's gazes all the time. Though something else is far more important now. You are all worried about your friend, co-worker and former chief and neither of you can stay back from the diccussion about his fate. He's in surgery right now, splenectomy, 'cos his lactate was 9. You almost didn't notice Derek wasn't in the room until he appears in the doorway, looking devastated. With sad eyes and tired voice he says:

"Heather Brooks died on the table."

And then of course Meredith passes their son to Derek instantly, because she knows that is one of very few things that will make him feel better now. Some people are comforting him and you still can't help always catching Mark's gaze, though you are overwhelmed with thousand other things. Like...Callie is always very vocal about her life, she doesn't keep her feelings inside, whatever they are, and right now she is shouting. She found out Arizona cheated on her, and she's devastated. Arizona actually _comited an adultery_, and with Callie emphasizing that you only feel worse, because around the time Arizona was having sex with that blonde doctor, you were actually having sex with Mark.

...

Derek's going home with Zola and you frantically count how much time is left until the end of your shift, because there's nothing you want to do more than just get the hell outta this place, take Henry into your arms and let him make you feel better. But laboring moms apparently have other plans.

Mark's shift is ending too and he's getting ready to leave with Derek. But than he looks at you like just thought of something and he asks:  
"Addie, you're not finishing for like...next six hours and Henry has been in the daycare during the whole storm, right? What about I...we take him with us and Zola to Derek's house now? They can play together, but they can sleep if they want and you know...we'll take care of him."

You pager goes off and though it's fairly normal, for you it feels really grotesque-like in that moment.  
You have no time for debating whether you trust Mark with Henry.

"Ok, right, I'll...come by later."

"We'll be there."

###

When you and Derek step into his house, you find no one else than Callie sitting in the livingroom, box of Kleenex on her knees. She chokes out:

"Um...I was...gonna go to hotel...but Mer said I should come here."

"Well, I guess I should've read those five text messages," Derek says.

"I'm...I'm sorry...Sofia is asleep in Zola's bed...I..I...I can move her, she probably won't wake up."

Derek just looks at her understandingly, he then sends a knowing look to you and he closes the door. You consider it best to stay silent and you just rock sleepy Henry a little.  
Then you and Derek manage to put both Zola and Henry to sleep somewhere and Derek sympathetically opens a bottle for Callie.  
Her eyes are a little cried out, she is a little drunk and she starts contemplating:

"Everyone I love either cheats on me or dies. Or cheats on me and dies. George did both."

"Arizona's not gonna die."

"Callie, don't be so pessimistic."

She looks at you like you're insane (though, due to her drunk-appearing eyes, the look isn't so grand).

"Yeah, you guys really know how to make someone feel better."

She rather reaches for another bottle, but then stops as if she just realized something.

"Ugh, I'm sorry, I'm drinking all your wine. You just had a baby, you should be drinking all your wine...and after what you went through tonight with Heather and...and Richard, oh my God! Why is everything so horrible?" she wails and Derek just taps her hand and tells her to go ahead, because he figures it will be better.

Some time after that Derek goes upstairs, Callie drunkedly cries on your shoulder and though your revelation probably won't help her at all, you can't think of anything better then admitting:

"You know, I slept with Addison...few hours ago."

"Yeah...about time," she says absentmindedly, then she lays her head on your shoulder again and she falls asleep.

###

Yeah, as if it wasn't enough, million other things happen during the remaining six hours of your shift – like Catherine Avery interrupting Richard's surgery, because she doesn't think his heart could handle it, but Miranda still feels there is something wrong they aren't seeing. In the end Meredith makes a decision that Miranda should go perform an exploratory laparotomy on him – and when Catherine hears, she is furious, but Richard made a damn good decision when he chose Meredith to be his healthcare proxy. Because Miranda really finds out where the problem is, she fixes it and in the end Richard wakes up knowing that he was wrong when he said he could handle anything...he was wrong about lot of things...but he was right about _this_.

...

After you finally make it through this awful shift, you're going to take Henry from the daycare, but in the middle of the hallway you stop in your tracks and realize he's actually in Derek's house. You turn around and quickly march outside, because you can't wait to see him. But on your way you also start thinking how awkward it would be. Or...you don't know. Mark's probably still gonna be there and...you don't want to avoid him, you really don't. You just aren't looking forward to your meeting, because you have no idea what is happening between you two right now. Or...is Henry really at Derek's house? Your son tops all the other worries and that's how you find yourself calling Mark to make sure Henry is okay. The phone rings twice and then you hear him saying:

"Hi, Red."

"Hi...I wanted to ask...is everything alright? I finished my shift and I...can I take Henry? Are you still at Derek's house?" You try to sound as normal as you can.

"Yes, of course. Everything is okay, come here."

But when you arrive and you see all Mark, Derek, Callie plus Cristina, who came in the meantime, you feel quite overwhelmed.  
"Thank you for taking care of him," you look mainly at Derek and of course you mean Mark too, but looking at him feels like a little too much now, "We're going home now, okay Henry?" you say when lifting up your son.

He rumples his nose, but he smiles and says a little clumsily:

"O-kay."

And you say goodbye and leave this session rather quickly.

###

"I should be going too."

You say that no more than three minutes after Addie left, which results in Callie and Derek eyeing each other suspiciously. But neither of them really says anything and you just put on your jacket, your shoes and you leave too.

_There's someone that I've been missing  
I think that they could be  
The better half of me  
(OneRepublic – Come Home)_

You find yourself making some errands first, because you wanna do it right this time. But it doesn't take long till you're standing in front of Addie's door, ringing the bell.

She isn't all that shocked to see you when she opens the door. She still asks:

"Mark, what's up?"

But then she sees what hapens to be a bouquet of flowers in your hand and she forms a perplexed expression.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, ok," she steps aside from the door and you walk in closing it behind you.

A smirk appears on your face: "You know, I actually have no idea how to do this and it is really weird, but I figured out I would give it a try, so..."

You offer her the flowers.

"Addie, do you wanna be my girlfriend?"

* * *

_Was it too out of character? :D And please tell me your opinion on the whole chapter. :)_


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